July 5th, 2009
Dear Third Trimester,
Today you and I met for the first time. I have to admit that I enter this relationship not liking you very much, though. First of all, you are the only thing that stands between me and meeting my baby girl, so for that reason alone I need you to be over as soon as possible. When we first found out Jess was pregnant, I was really happy that we had 9 months to prepare for the whole thing, because it is quite the project to get everything set up. But now that we’re 6 months in, I don’t quite understand what’s taking so long. I think we’re pretty much ready, so if you could just go ahead and speed things along, that would be great.
But there’s another, bigger reason why I don’t like you. It seems that your only goal is to make my wife as uncomfortable as possible, and I’m not cool with that. She read me this from one of her variety of pregnancy books this morning (The pregnancy countdown book):
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Posted in Family | Posted by Rian
July 1st, 2009
I’m currently re-reading one of my favorite Christian classics: Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen. It was published in 1975, so the last thing I thought it would do is get me to think about Twitter, Facebook, and the boundaries in our lives. But this section he quotes from Henry David Thoreau got me thinking about how open our lives have become:
When our life ceases to be inward and private, conversation degenerates into mere gossip. We rarely meet a man who can tell us any news which he has not read in a newspaper, or been told by his neighbor; and, for the most part, the only difference between us and our fellow is that he has seen the newspaper, or been out to tea, and we have not. In proportion as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post-office. You may depend on it, that the poor fellow who walks away with the greatest number of letters, proud of his extensive correspondence, has not heard from himself this long while.
“The greatest number of letters…” Or the greatest number of Twitter followers? The greatest number of blog post comments? The greatest number of Facebook friends? I am still tempted to say that this is such an old-fashioned view — that the idea that online activity somehow keeps me away from knowing myself better just isn’t realistic. But could there be some truth to this? Nouwen goes on to say the following — and I have to admit that my initial emotion was anger at him for daring to imply that I somehow live a superficial life:
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Posted in Social Media | Posted by Rian
June 6th, 2009
When journalist Steven Johnson used Twitter to announce his TIME Magazine cover story about Twitter, and I heard that they would use the tweet as the cover of the print copy of the magazine, I thought it was pretty clever. Or way too cutesy, depending on how you look at it. Either way, I was very interested in the article, but I practiced rare restraint and waited for my print copy of the magazine to arrive in the mail (the postal kind) so that I can read it on paper. You know, like in the olden days.
I think my expectations may have been a little too high. Since so much has been written on Twitter, I thought that a TIME Magazine cover story on the subject would have a lot more depth on how it is changing society and the people who use it. Instead, it was a fairly standard summary of familiar arguments that have been made countless times before — how user-led innovation changed a product beyond what the creators intended it for, turning it into a real-time search engine and broadcast medium for the instant web.
And that’s fine if this is meant to be an introduction piece for people who don’t know Twitter well. However, I thought 2 sections in particular missed the mark a little bit, and I wanted to write a quick response to that. Make sure you read the full article first so you have the proper context.
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Posted in Social Media | Posted by Rian
June 3rd, 2009
I have so many constant and ever-changing fears about becoming a dad that it’s really hard to keep track of them all sometimes. This week’s freak-out session was focused on a particularly big one: The fear that our daughter won’t have a happy childhood. As with most people who have this special gift of the analytical worst-case-scenario mind, I have reverse-engineered this fear to what I think the root cause is. I think it all comes down to this question: Does it matter how nice you are to your baby? Allow me to explain.
If how you treat a baby has no consequences, you could pretty much relax about the first few years of childhood. You could make a bunch of mistakes, but it wouldn’t matter. As she grows up you’d figure it out as you go along, and you’d have the opportunity to create great memories based on her unique wants and needs, thereby ensuring a happy childhood. What happened early on would be forgotten, as if it never happened. Easy! But this master plan all depends on how important the first few years are in a child’s development, and since I know nothing about these things, this was the part where I needed to bring Jess into the conversation.
Now, when I talked to Jess about this, I didn’t bother to fill her in on the thought process I went through to get me to this point of sincere desire to give our daughter a happy childhood. So I think I brought it up by saying something like, “Does it matter if we’re mean to the baby?“ Ok, so maybe a little context would have been nice — but isn’t she supposed to know what goes on in my head by now? Seriously.
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Posted in Family | Posted by Rian
May 29th, 2009
Yesterday an interesting trend was started on Twitter. It started when Simon Dingle posted the following update:
Want to start a new trend. #SAis – We’re constantly told what South Africa isn’t. I think it’s time to tell the world what SA is. Thoughts?
Well, in true Twitter fashion, we all responded. Pretty soon the #SAis hashtag (short for “South Africa is”) spread like wildfire, and it is really inspiring to read through the posts (you can click here to do a real-time search for Twitter updates with the #SAis hashtag).
The updates are predominantly positive, and I still find it amazing that all South Africans seem to feel exactly the same way about their country. I pretty much nodded my head at every one of the updates. It is a testament to the strength of the culture when there is such unity in our diversity.
I wanted to pull out and post some of my favorite #SAis updates. Here they are:
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Posted in Social Media, South Africa | Posted by Rian
May 24th, 2009
This is just a short post to let our wonderful friends and family know that our Baby Registry is up and ready to go! This has always been an awkward part of the process for me. I still remember setting up our wedding registry, walking through Bed, Bath & Beyond with that infrared gun, happily shooting away at all the wonderful stuff, but at the back of my mind wondering if it’s really ok to say to people “Hey, look at me! Buy me stuff because I’m special!”
But, oh well, everyone keeps telling me that I should suck it up, have fun, and shamelessly promote the registry, because people actually want to buy you stuff (which I find amazing). So, because I always listen to what my friends tell me to do, Jess and I went out to Babies R Us yesterday and spent 2 hours with that magical infrared gun (see photo).
Jess’s baby shower isn’t until August 8th, but like most nervous first-time parents, we seem to be way ahead of the game. We’re even starting to paint the nursery today (more on that later…). So here are the details…
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Posted in Family | Posted by Rian
May 20th, 2009
I just finished reading Letter from Africa: America’s cousin on the continent, an article where David Smith (a UK journalist for The Guardian) lays out his views on all the similarities between South Africa and the US. As a South African currently living in the US, this immediately grabbed my attention. And the piece starts off pleasant enough — Mr. Smith argues that Los Angeles is like Johannesburg, Miami is like Durban, Washington DC is like Pretoria, and San Francisco is like Cape Town. I found myself agreeing with everything — I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and I have to give him that — if you were somehow able to plunk down another Table Mountain where the Golden Gate bridge currently is, you’d pretty much have Cape Town!
He then gets a little more serious. He starts talking about racial tension and the political similarities between the 2 countries — still making a whole lot of sense along the way. And then, completely out of the blue, Mr. Smith ends the article with this:
Yet there is one thing that South Africans have not mastered, and that is the relentless optimism of Americans about their country. Whether they would be well advised to do so is a question that will take time to resolve.
At first I thought I’d just let it go. Move on, it was a pleasant read, just post it on Facebook and be done with it. But now it’s festering, and 2 hours later I still can’t get over it, so I have to respond…
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Posted in South Africa | Posted by Rian
May 7th, 2009
Well, we’re about half-way through the pregnancy now, so it’s time to stop and take stock of what I have learned so far about being a dad. Let’s be clear about this – I’ve learned very little. And yes, it is freaking me out. But in a wonderful way. Even though I feel monumentally unprepared, I can’t wait to hold our baby girl in my arms.
So here is what I’ve learned about fatherhood over the past 5 months. And for you math geeks out there – yes, 5 + 5 = 10. Did you know a pregnancy is actually 10 months long? I didn’t. The whole 9 month thing is pure trickery!
#1 – Pregnancy books are boring
Jess bought me The Expectant Father before she was even pregnant. I have to be honest – I really tried to keep up. But there are just way too many big scary words in there. I just want to know the baby is alive, kicking like crazy, and that Jess is happy. That’s it! Everything else is details. But I do understand how important it is to be a part of the process (I read that in a pregnancy book somewhere), so I have found two pregnancy books that I feel are particularly informative for dads-to-be:
My boys can swim! The official guy’s guide to pregnancy tells it like it is. With chapters like “Maternity Attire” and “The Mother of All Shots: The Epidural” it gives you all the essential information without the fluff. Get this book.
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home is a little light on facts, but it more than makes up for that in entertainment value. I’ve been reading a chapter of this book to Jess at night, and it’s sometimes hard to keep going through the tears of laughter. Here’s a little taste:
[When you teach your child during pregnancy], the teaching method has to be very simple. I mean, you can’t go in there with slide projectors or anything. Where would you plug them in? So you’ll pretty much have to content yourself with yelling at the stomach. This is the man’s job, because let’s face it, the woman would look pretty stupid yelling at her own stomach
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Posted in Family | Posted by Rian
April 30th, 2009
This past Monday we went to one of the most important ultrasounds of the pregnancy – the “boy or girl” event! I was prepared for it to be amazing, but I have to say that it turned out to be an experience I will never forget. Our previous two ultrasounds were great, and there were fantastic moments (like hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time). But this one was on a completely different scale for me. First, they roll in the big daddy of ultrasound machines, which should have given me a clue about what’s about to happen. Then, once the lights go dim in the examination room, and they get the TV all set up, you start to feel like you’re in a movie theater watching your legacy unfold right in front of you. The ultrasound lasted 20 minutes, but we just wanted it to go on forever. The first thing we saw as the image came up, was this wave:
We had a great technician who clearly loves her job – and this makes the experience even better. She was able to catch all the right moments – here’s a picture where you can see the baby’s spine perfectly:
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Posted in Family | Posted by Rian
April 13th, 2009
In a continuing effort to immortalize every moment of my transition from non-parent to dad, this is the first in a series of posts about the exploration of this brand new world — just so I won’t forget. I apologize if this is boring to you, but there’s a lot to read on the Internet, so I think you should be ok.
Now that I have that disclaimer out of the way… We visited Babies R Us for the first time this weekend. My parents are currently visiting from South Africa, and they wanted to buy our early-second-trimester baby a gift. Who are we to say “No” to such an offer? So off we went, with a lot of mental preparation on my part — because I was fully briefed on how overwhelming your first visit can be (as one friend put it, “I never knew how many things there are just for babies to sit in!”).
As we arrived, I realized again that having a baby comes with many wonderful perks. This probably isn’t a big deal, but for me, finding out that we can park right in front of the store was the perfect way to diffuse any fears I may have had. “Stork parking.” Clever.
So in we went. I expected the store to be big, but let’s face it, once you’ve been in Costco, nothing else is big anymore. So that wasn’t an issue. What really blew my mind is how high-tech everything has become. Not that I really have anything to compare it with, but I am just fascinated by the design ingenuity that goes into some of these baby products – especially when it comes to the whole sit/sleep/play/transport class of baby activities.
We left with a great gift from Grandpa and Grandma-to-be — a Graco Pack ‘n Play, which is basically a whole entertainment complex in a box, if you’re not familiar with this kind of thing. Oh, also — apparently Graco is a great baby brand. Who knew? And their web site is not www.graco.com, it’s www.gracobaby.com. You only make that mistake once. Although, that would be an interesting merger…
Anyway, back to the transportable baby house. It is an ingenious piece of design. It has a little playpen, a bed, a changing table, some soothing sounds to help the baby sleep, a canopy thingy, and WHEELS, for crying out loud. It also has a bassinet, but I have no idea what that is, so I don’t want to talk about that feature until I figure it out. I was so disappointed that we don’t have anything to put in there yet. So for now it’s just sitting in a box, waiting patiently for its new occupant.
A week from today we have our next ultrasound where we will hopefully find out what the baby’s gender is. This will, I’m sure, lead to renewed urgency to get some form of baby room ready in our condo. I already lost the first battle (do we really need to get rid of the computer desk in there? It took forever to assemble!!), and I look forward to losing many more as we create this space. Because let’s face it, Jess is much better at this stuff than I am, and all I should really be allowed to do is paint.
Posted in Family | Posted by Rian
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