I told this story to a friend at work today, and he sent me this quote in response (my emphasis added):

Another important element of addiction is ritual. Something as simple as eliminating the rituals that accompany the addiction can be enough to cause the addiction to lose appeal. Powerful aspects of the addiction are obtained from the ritual itself, such that without it, the behavior or substance no longer is accompanied by euphoria. Heroin is a good example. The ritual of injecting heroin and the lifestyle involved in the pursuit and use of the drug is a part of the addiction. Taking away these components, as is done in methadone clinics, often reforms addicts on these bases alone.

If I arrived too late to be there for the preparation of the coffee, would it have tasted differently?  Would vinyl LP’s sound as good as they do if there wasn’t so much work involved in maintaining and playing them?  Are we really this predictable, this easy to manipulate, that the lead-up to an event can have such a big impact on the enjoyment of it?

Yes, yes we are.

I think we love American Idol because it is such a complete window into the full spectrum of human nature. In the confines of an hour on TV we see an exaggerated version of every type of person we might ever encounter in our daily lives.  We see the ones we hate, the ones we love, the ones we feel sorry for, and the ones we want to be.  In essence, we see people in various combinations of different levels of ability and arrogance.  And that’s why I think there are four types of people in this world.

Let me first say that I am just as appalled as you are that I fell for the old “there are X types of people…” trick.  I’m reminded of the old joke: There are two types of people in this world – those who believe there are two types of people in this world, and those who don’t.  I’m squarely in the don’t column on that one.  But hang with me for a bit please – I’m reasonably certain that this will make sense to you in the end.

So here we go.  4 types of people, based on their ability level (low or high) and their level of arrogance about their abilities (low or high):

Actually, I think we all spend some time in each of these four quadrants as we go through life.  Sometimes we live in all four quadrants in a single day.  It is somewhat inevitable.  But we should strive to spend more time in some quadrants than others.  I’m getting ahead of myself, though.  Let’s go through each of these in turn…

1. The Realist (low ability, low arrogance)

This is the guy who strolls onto the American Idol platform, squeaks out a barely audible rendition of Unchained Melody, and immediately hangs his head in shame.  He wanted to give it his best shot, but he knows he’s in over his head, so faced with the blank stares from the judges, he just turns around quietly and leaves.

It’s sad to see, but we’ve all acted this way.  We’re inspired by something or someone so we try to do something new, only to realize that, yeah, maybe surfing in the Mavericks surf contest after watching “Surf’s Up” wasn’t such a good idea after all. 

Once, in high school, I decided I would be a good DJ so I put me hand up to be the DJ at one of our school parties.  I was really bad at it.  And walking around with a perpetual wedgie for a week also really gives you some additional perspective on your talents.  But there was good in that.  It showed me I should probably pursue other things.

I think we should spend as little time as possible in this quadrant.  Stay away from the things you’re not good at (unless there is a real chance you have the talent to become good at it with enough work).

2. The Obnoxious Wannabe (low ability, high arrogance)

These are the cringe-inducing American Idol auditions that we can’t watch, but simply have to.  The girl who comes in wearing an elaborate costume, going on about how all her friends tell her she’s the next Kelly Clarkson.  And then she opens her mouth and you start to question the existence of intelligent life on earth.  Because they couldn’t possibly be any worse at singing.  These auditions usually end pretty badly.  Some even end with an arrest, as in this example:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfbWAmwaK44

The thing is, we all dwell in this quadrant sometimes.  Maybe more than me might care to admit.  On American Idol our response is, “don’t these people know how bad they are?”  But then we go out and pretend like our opinion is the only one that matters.  At work, we’re always right, and we refuse to admit that someone else’s ideas might be valid.  This is a very dangerous quadrant to spend time in.  It’s an easy thing to spot in others, but we’re so often blind to it in ourselves.  American Idol inspired me to dial up my internal Wannabe Radar a little so that I can get better at stepping out as soon as I venture into this area.

3. The Rock Star (high ability, high arrogance)

These auditions make you so jealous and so happy, both at the same time.  You know the ones.  The girl who walks in with a cocky swagger and belts out a Celine Dion song like it’s nobody’s business.  She hits it spot on, she knows it, and she’s not shy about it.  Think of bands like Coldplay and U2.  Think of musicians like John Mayer.  Arrogant as the day is long, but these guys simply wouldn’t be where they are today without being both good and cocky.  That’s sometimes what it takes.

In life, this can be a very effective way to get ahead, but it can also backfire fairly quickly.  Those who really use this to their advantage learn to disguise the fact that they believe they’re the only expert to ever exist on a particular subject matter (let’s call them Modified Rock Stars).

This is the celebrity quadrant, and I think in the back of our minds we all want to spend our time here (Balloon Boy, anyone?).  But here’s the thing.  I think spending too much time in this quadrant just makes you tired, and doesn’t bring you any closer to happiness. Which brings us to…

4. The Game-Changer (high ability, low arrogance)

Some American Idol auditions make you cry.  Go on, admit it.  These auditions are usually accompanied by a life story that includes overcoming a difficult event, like sickness or a death in the family.  These are people who have been beaten down by life, learned from it, and got up.  They show up at the audition with a sincere appreciation for the opportunity.  They can sing, but they have also experienced enough disappointment in their lives to know that nothing is guaranteed.

But man, can they sing.

You know the ones I’m talking about.

I call them Game-Changers, because they have a life-changing impact on the way you view the world (even if it’s in a small way), and they stay with you long after you get in contact with them.  You think about the audition when you wake up the next day.  You remember the words of a high school teacher that meant a lot to you.  You follow the advice of a work mentor who never played the corporate game well, but always seemed to be content and fulfilled in their jobs.

I don’t spend nearly enough time in this quadrant, and frankly, I want to get out of the other quadrants and into this one as often as possible.  Because this is the quadrant where you operate in the realm of your natural talents, and you have a real opportunity to impact other people in a positive way.

This is different from the Modified Rock Star (see description above) because the motivation is different.  Modified Rock Stars may appear humble, but they are still only out for themselves.  The Game-Changer’s motivation is to truly and honestly contribute to their communities (professional as well as personal), and leave those places better off.  They are aware of their talents and what they’re good at (and come on, we all have something we’re good at).  But they see this as a gift to be shared, not an accomplishment to lord over others.

This is where I want to spend my time.

How about you?  What is your “Game-Changer” talent?

And now you’ll have to excuse me, I have to go look for mine…

It’s been a long December / And there’s reason to believe / That maybe this year will be better than the last

What is it about the turn of the year that fills us with so much hope, and drives us to make all sorts of resolutions about how much better we’ll be in the coming year?  The history of New Year’s Resolutions is quite interesting and goes all the way back to 153 B.C. when Janus, a mythical roman god, was placed at the head of the calendar:

The Romans named the first month of the year after Janus, the god of beginnings and the guardian of doors and entrances. He was always depicted with two faces, one on the front of his head and one on the back. Thus he could look backward and forward at the same time. At midnight on December 31, the Romans imagined Janus looking back at the old year and forward to the new.

Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.

[Source: The History of New Year's Resolutions]

So in keeping with that tradition, I’ll keep looking backward until midnight tonight, and then turn around to look at new beginnings.  It’s going to be a gigantic year for us with our move back to South Africa, our daughter’s first birthday, etc.  But in the end, my resolution is pretty simple:

Connect to the Internet less, with people more.

And it looks like I’m not the only one.  See my earlier post on the perils of information addiction, and Advent Conspiracy‘s call to “give more presence” during the Christmas season.  I see even John Mayer is getting in on the action, calling for a one week digital cleanse, starting tomorrow.

So here’s to a year of connection with those we know and especially those we don’t yet know (or only know digitally).  It’s been a long December.  But maybe this year will be better than the last.  Happy New Year!

You have to head over to http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com and check it out for yourself, but here is just one of the many gems you’ll find there:

Three guesses what the customer asked for…

I guess “non-toxic” is used loosely in this case?  And how is someone in “Labor” — is that for fakers??

This is a personal pet peeve of mine (along with incorrect usage of the apostrophe), so I am eternally grateful to this blogger for her dedication.  It makes me feel better.  Ok, here are a couple more, because I can’t help myself: