Homecoming Thoughts: On Moving Back to South Africa After 8 Years Abroad
April 5th, 2010It has now been two weeks since we arrived back in Cape Town after an 8 year stint living abroad, and I am still hesitant to write this post. I keep thinking that I need to give it more time, that my unconditional euphoria about being back has to be some kind of temporary adrenalin rush. That the other shoe will drop and suddenly I’ll be faced with a strange reality, left only with thoughts of “What have we done!?” And maybe that will still happen. But right now, as I sit on our balcony in Sea Point overlooking the Promenade and the vast blue ocean, I’m tempted to give up the fight and embrace what my wife told me over lunch today… What took us so long to move back?
It’s hard to explain, but my spirit lifted the minute we landed in Cape Town (after a grueling 2-day journey with our 6-month old, but that’s a story for a different blog post). After recuperating at my parents’ house in Stellenbosch for a few days, we moved into our flat in Sea Point a week ago, and we just can’t believe how lucky we are to live here in this amazing place.
The beauty in this area of the world is simply stunning. This weekend I got up and went for a run along the ocean as the foghorns were working overtime, and 100s of runners were enjoying the early morning ocean-quiet with me. We spent the day at Camps Bay and Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens, and we were left only with thoughts of how blessed we are to have all of this right at our doorstep.
There is chaos here, but it doesn’t feel like chaos, it just feels like life. When we walk around in downtown Sea Point I sense an energy and a vibrancy that is almost tangible. As I watch and talk to people, as we experience the diversity of cultures and emotions all around us, I can’t help but fall in love with Africa all over again. And my wife, who is American, feels exactly the same way.
There are those who tell me we’re crazy for moving back, but the love-hate relationship South Africans have with their country is also part of what draws me to this place — we don’t shy away from the bad stuff, and we don’t shut up about our opinions.
Yes, there are many problems in South Africa. Serious, serious problems. And I am not oblivious to it — I remain vigilant and always mindful of the safety of my family, and I’d be lying if I said this weekend’s killing of Eugene Terre’blanche doesn’t make me nervous. But I see in this country a potential that is so different and unique to anything I’ve experienced living in Australia and America.
Let me put it this way. When I was in high school, rugby was everything. The problem is that our school really sucked at it. We weren’t even allowed to play in the same league as our main rivals in town (Paul Roos Gymnasium), because the embarrassment would just be too devastating and there were fears we would grow up weak and bruised for life. But the words our coach spoke to us one afternoon after practice have stuck with me ever since:
He told us, yes, we could attend Paul Roos and be part of a great rugby school, a school that has accomplished everything there is to accomplish, a school at the top of the rankings. Or we could stay here, at Stellenbosch High, and help build something from the ground up. Now, sure, he was just trying to make us feel better. But the words rang true.
Living in America was wonderful — I love the country and its people, and I am amazed at how smoothly everything works, and how easy it is to live there. But here’s the thing: America doesn’t need me. I can’t really contribute much there. There are 1,000′s of people there who have the exact same skillset I do.
But here, in Cape Town, in my country, I can become part of something. The Silicon Cape initiative is getting off the ground. The user experience community is starting to thrive. I can be a part of that — and here’s the bonus: I can do it in a place that is brimming with hope and immeasurable beauty. How can I pass that chance up?
During our last week in America, I reminded my wife at some point that we are taking a big risk by moving here. The job pool is smaller, there are countless political challenges. You know what she told me? ”A safe life is a boring life.” And she was right (as usual).
So we take this risk and we embrace it with both arms. So far we are loving every minute of it. Hard times will come, but we are here, now, and this is our home. Here, in Africa, we plant ourselves.
Sean Nieuwoudt April 5th, 2010 at 6:46 am
Interesting perspective and nice post!
Theresa Pretorius September 1st, 2010 at 10:25 am
We live in CA, USA – have been for almost 11 years – and we are also in the process of wrapping up and going back. Do you know how much it costs more or less to move your whole house?
Regards
t
Rian September 3rd, 2010 at 12:18 am
Hi Theresa
Below are the details of the companies I used to move back. Shipping a 20-ft containter to Cape Town cost about $5,000 on that side, and R12 000 on this side for customs and clearing and delivery.
Shipping from CA
Sue Collins
Moving Specialist
Toll Free: 866-801-0692 Ext. 268
Fax: 877-757-2561
Email: collins@rssllc.net
Customs in SA:
Bevan van der Poll
Kenco Clearing & Forwarding
Tel: +27 21 5526577
Fax: +27 21 552 4235
Email: kenco@mweb.co.za
http://www.kencoclearing.co.za
Tracy April 5th, 2010 at 7:44 am
It’s a magical place.
justinspratt April 5th, 2010 at 11:12 am
great post. hat-off to you and your wife for having the courage to come back and contribute to South Africa. There is no doubt in my mind that it will take people like you to change the course of South Africa for the better.
Suzaan April 5th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Rian, ek weet so waarvan jy praat en my hart trek elke dag met ‘n punt terug! Geniet elke oomblik. Mag julle baie baie gelukkig wees!
Stevo April 5th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Rian, I’m genuinely happy for you and Jess and not to mention somewhat jealous of your (perhaps unusual) amazing attitude and outlook. Africa obviously looks good on you!!
Philip April 14th, 2010 at 7:02 am
Stevo,
I actually share Brian’s emotions and outlook regarding moving back to South Africa after a 10 year stint in Chicago (I have been back since January this year). I’ve been struggeling to put it in words but Brian has hit the nail 100% on the head! Perhaps his/our outlook is not so unusual……
Desirae April 5th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
Rian & Jess, I have little to add to “Stevo’s” comment – my thoughts exactly. Congratulations for making a well-planned and, in some ways, daring and bold move to enrich your and Aralyn’s lives. As I’ve said before, I wish you nothing but goodness in your endeavour. Beautifully written as well. XO
Rian April 5th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
Thanks for all the comments, everyone! The move was definitely bigger than we thought it would be, but we’re happy to be hear and looking forward to what the future holds. I know that’s weird coming from me
Sean – have to agree with you on the wind though. It’s KILLING us in Sea Point right now!
Peter K April 23rd, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Rian, great post and brave move – I suspect you have had the same deliberations with your wife as I had with mine before we made the same move back to SA 18months ago. We too, also had reservations but, now that we’re back we both agree that it’s all worth it.
About the wind pal, I grew up in CT all my life before departing in 2000. When we came back in 2009 I had the same thoughts you have about the South Easter. After a while you don’t even know it’s there!
Richard August 14th, 2010 at 5:35 am
Rian, you haven’t posted anything for some time. How are things going with your return to SA? Interested to hear.
Rian August 14th, 2010 at 6:36 am
Hi Richard – thanks for asking! Yes, I haven’t written here in a while, it’s been busy! Things are going great, and I am slowly getting less annoyed with the few things that bothered me about being back, because the upside of living here is just so huge. I just came back from the Tech4Africa conference Joburg (I did a write-up here), and it’s just so cool to see all the opportunities here. If the question is if I regret the move yet? Not for a second. But I’d give anything to just spend 2 hours in a Target store in the US
Robby April 8th, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Watching your moe with great interest need to know this….hows the food and have you been to Brewers and Union? ….the question is based on a clip from a local radio guy Paul Snodgrass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei-bkFaYrao&feature=player_embedded
Annie April 9th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Welkom terug! We’re so happy you’re here. We’ll be praying for the three of you as you make the adjustment. Hope we can meet for dinner again. Say hi to Jess for me. I’m here if she needs another American to talk to.
Connie April 10th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
I met Jessica on one of her last nights in America after she had said good-bye to her parents, I believe. I instantaneously loved her as a sister in the Lord. It was so wonderful to read your post. In a strange way I can relate. We recently left a church after 28 years, and I feel as excited and have such anticipation for where God is taking us as if we moved to our own Africa. I read your words and felt in some way as if they were coming from my own heart. You are a brilliant writer, and I understand that you are an anointed worship leader also. I will be watching and praying from afar and waiting to see God lead you into the “land” He has prepared for you.
Julian April 14th, 2010 at 10:17 am
Congratulations on the move back to the Cape and for sharing your experience with everyone. I have been working in Toronto Canada for the past 6 years but still miss Cape Town. Part of me wants to return and another part is scared… so I will follow your blog with interest and respect. I’ve already mentioned to my wife that I am now open to the idea of returning (she never wanted to leave in the first place). I’m busy building my experience and studying part-time.
The Canadian banking system has emerged as the best financial system in the world after the melt down, and I am blessed to be gaining great experience in one of Canada’s biggest banks. In roughly 3 years time (once my studies are complete) and with a decade of Toronto banking & insurance experience, we will have to make a “once and for all” decision to return or not.
Rian April 15th, 2010 at 12:43 am
That’s great to hear, Julian! Let’s keep in touch as you work through the decision, I know it’s tough. It took us almost a year to get here after we made the decision!
Philip April 15th, 2010 at 12:48 am
Yup, took me 9 months to get back and I don’t even have a family! So much to do, feel free to reach out if you would like pointers. The Homecoming Revolution sites also has some good ‘checklists’ to keep you on top of everything you need to consider during the move.
pamela June 8th, 2010 at 10:25 am
Hi there this all made for a very interesting read. My boyfriend wishes to move back to South africa he has beeen here in England 11 years and has had enough. We have been together 5 years but only in our house for just under 3 years, so we are not sure what problems I may encounter getting a visa, we have considered marrying before we come out there. My boyfriend is a salesman and wants to be based near Durban but I am finding it all a bit of a minefield. I have been onto homecoming website and will get him to read it. How come it took you so long? Where is the checklist you worked from. If you could help I would be very grateful.
Thanks Pamela
Rian June 9th, 2010 at 3:47 am
Hi Pamela
It took us that 8 years to move back because we also wanted to be fully engaged and planted where we were, so we wanted to get integrated and learn as much as we can. But now we’re back and loving it! The checklist is here: http://www.homecomingrevolution.co.za/moving-home-checklist/homecoming-revolution-moving-home-checklist.html
Good luck with your decisions!
Philip June 9th, 2010 at 3:56 am
Hi Pamela,
I see Brian beat me to the punch and pointed you toward the checklists. There are actually several checklist based on how far away you are from returning to SA.
It took me 9 months to move back from the time I made the commitment. I had to then update my CV, look for a job, actually flew to SA first for my High School reunion and to visit family (I was due anyway) and at the same time went on interviews. It is hard getting a job from abroad when the potential employer have not met you face-to-face. Then I had to take care of personal business including my house in Chicago (which I still own as I fortunately still have family in Chicago that can keep an eye over it). It is best to arrive back in SA in January as the tax year ends end of February so most likely you will have earned little enough so you are income tax exempt so you get ‘all’ your income tax back. Its also cheaper to fly to SA in January as you probably know.
Best of luck!
Richard April 19th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
It is fascinating to read about people’s experiences with emigration and then returning to what was once their home. I wonder whether it is a desire to return to what was, as if going back to a certain physical place will turn back the clock. I have a different perspective to the idea that living in South Africa you can make a difference. On Keats’ gravestone in Rome is stated, “Here lies one whose name was writ in water,” which sums up how I see one’s contribution to South Africa. My family had a factory in South Africa, years ago, having moved there from England at around the time of the Boer War. It prospered and at its height employed many hundreds of people. In the late 1960s it was sold. The building was still there when I emigrated about a decade ago, and I returned recently for the first time. It still stood, in a disreputable state, rather like a metaphor for the contribution my family made to South Africa. Its purpose is forgotten, the people who worked there probably dead, their children now likely living in poverty, perhaps disease-ridden. Had they not emigrated to South Africa, I wonder whether that would be the case, or whether building foundations on firmer soil would have meant their contribution would continue to have meaning. During apartheid, I worked intensively with the black community, and felt that my contribution meant something. And it was a real contribution, at least, in terms of sacrifice on my part. There was nothing half-hearted about my involvement, it left me exhausted, and certainly not financially enriched. Now I am left with the memories of that time, but little else. When I went back, I saw nothing from my efforts, just a regression. It was as if everything I had done was for nothing, seeds planted in unfertile soil. From my perspective, emigrating was the best thing I ever did. Now I interact with events in South Africa like a divorced spouse, a place once loved but now in the past. I imagine if one doesn’t fully engage there can be regrets.
In any event, it is interesting how people can live in the same place and return to it so differently. I wish you luck, and hope you find what you are looking for.
Rian April 20th, 2010 at 12:18 am
Hi Richard – very interesting perspective, thanks for sharing. I understand and appreciate your viewpoint – it must be tough coming back and not seeing the fruit of all your hard labor. But let me just say one thing – don’t think that just because you can’t see the impact of what you’ve done, that you didn’t *have* an impact. I am pretty sure that for those people you worked with, what you did made a difference. And that’s what matters. I don’t think we should measure our success by numbers, but by individuals and relationships…
Richard April 20th, 2010 at 6:22 am
Yes, of course what you say is true. Also, what I did defined me to myself (did I turn away when I could have helped, to what extent did I involve myself, during the apartheid days did I try to make things better or simply sit on the sidelines, etc.) which is something I can never replace. To that extent, Africa – and that is what I see South Africa as, a part of the larger whole – is inextricably bound up with who and what I am. Unlike many South Africans my family engaged with the rest of continent through travel. But, again, I have to resort to metaphor: I feel as if what I did was to teach people living in the tropics how to make ice-sculptures. In other words, what I had to offer and the environment in which I lived, were really incompatible. I see this now in hindsight. The lessons I learned I took with me, though, and then moved on. Perhaps your family bonds are stronger than mine, or the way you feel the need for place. I met some of my distant cousins in the UK (one of my great-grandfather’s brothers returned to the UK, not much liking South Africa when he tried to move there over a century ago) and it was interesting to see the path that could have been, in a sense. Africa to me is a place void of interpretation; it exists in its raw state. When I am in Europe I am overwhelmed by the interpretation all around me, in the art galleries and museums and cultural edifices. They help me to beat the unformed metal of the African experience into shape. Anyway, I could go on, but will spare you. All best luck and good things. I think it’s wonderful that you feel so committed and happy with your choice.
Rian April 24th, 2010 at 12:17 am
Richard – please contact me if you’re ever in Cape Town. I’d love to have a coffee with you and discuss these things with someone who is thinking through it all with a level head. I totally get where you’re coming from. Your view on Africa’s lack of interpretation is interesting to me, and I want to think about it more. But I will say that I look at it a little differently. I’ve often thought about the chaos I see all around me in Africa, and how remarkable it is that Africa seems to be at its most comfortable and peaceful when it is not bound by the traditional boundaries of art and context. As if it thrives on the freedom of people. Of course, this freedom is dangerous — which is why crime is so out of control. If only we can find a way to encourage the freedom of all people without social situations that “necessitate” the need for some people to resort to violent crime.
Look at at a phenomenon like “Die Antwoord.” I absolutely hate the music and think it’s filthy. But as a metaphor for a progressive Afrikaner culture that’s ready to cut ties with its past, I find it quite hopeful. I won’t listen to it, but I think it is a sign of good (more level-headed) things to come.
Anyway, lots more to say. My dad, who grew up in Namibia, always talks about the importance of “sense of place.” I hope and trust that you find your sense of place wherever your are. That is what’s important…
Richard April 27th, 2010 at 2:07 pm
I certainly will, Rian. In fact I was in South Africa for the first time in a decade last December, and flew through Cape Town to Port Elizabeth. It was fascinating, and I was very grateful that the flight was delayed by two hours as it gave me time to look and reflect. What I saw (in brief) was black Africans much more at ease with themselves (though very Americanised, so not really at ease with themselves), whites who had “given up”, and a presentation that was somewhat alienated from reality. Black Africans were living aspirationally; the schism in their perception of self must be very great. Port Elizabeth was decayed, but people seemed pretty relaxed. Thoughts of Constantinople came to mind, changing of the guard, fraying of the edges of the world. Reading demographic projections of the population of Africa shows South Africa being quite unpopulated compared to central Africa, so you’ll have to be vigilant about mass migrations from those areas. I do find it all fascinating, as it is all very front-line. Race in South Africa simply replaces tribe elsewhere on the continent, so the friction there will never end, but as the West itself changes, those differences will not work as strongly against you. A clear head will be necessary, but it sounds as if you have that anyway!
Philip April 19th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
For me personally it was about moving back to my family, my culture, and opportunities in South Africa and not about an ‘idea’ or ‘memory’ of how it was in the old South Africa. Perhaps it is easier for my generation (born in ’81) to adjust to a globally integrated world and the new South Africa.
I personally don’t have any disillusion of grandeur, my motivation for returning was more selfish. I wanted to grow old with my family and live out my passions. South Africa is the only country that afforded me the opportunity to do both.
I’ve had this discussion countless times with South Africans, both home and abroad, during my 10 years in the US, and especially now that I have returned. I wonder sometimes if people are trying to convince themselves that they made the correct decision rather than convincing me that I made the wrong decision. This is simply my 2 cents. I also wrote a short story to Homecoming Revolution that I think flows in nicely with this discussion and resent happenings in South Africa. Check out next month’s newsletter.
I was reminded of this poem which you most likely have heard before:
The Final Analysis (Author unknown)
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It is never between you and those people anyway.
Julian April 20th, 2010 at 5:22 am
Philip, you are 100% correct that many people who have emigrated “attack” others if one wants to return. It’s because the person who has emigrated has made a HUGE emotional and financial sacrifice to move. And they want to believe that the pain of moving was worthwhile and necessary – the thought of another person returning to SA (and being happy) forces them to face a question, “maybe SA isn’t that bad; maybe you moved for nothing.” So people lash out basically to convince THEMSELVES that emigration was right and returning to SA is wrong.
Some are too bothered about other people’s lives instead of living their own. I was the same when we were planning to leave SA: I was trying to convince everyone else why they should leave too; basically I was just trying to convince myself.
I have a balanced view on emigration after being out of SA for 6 years: I understand SA problems and actually agree that the grass is greener outside SA in terms of an “easy” life. I’m talking crime, orderly government, state healthcare, education, etc. But how do you replace family? Your birth culture? Life long friends?
I understand now why some people leave and why some stay. I especially understand why some return. Different strokes for different folks.
Philip April 20th, 2010 at 5:45 am
Julian, I will agree 100% with you now. It is easier abroad, in the 1st World when it comes to what I call “day-to-day operations”. One has to evaluate your priorities and I for one am more than willing to put up with the periodic inadequacies and incompetence so that I can be close to my family and culture. It almost feels as if I have an unquenchable thirst for my culture and my people.
I will also add that I do not regret my 10 years in the US (Chicago) at all and I have had some tremendous opportunities and experiences. I believe that have matured into a patient and tolerant individual with the interpersonal skills to cope in the new South Africa. I suspect my attitude would have been ‘a lot’ different had I lived in South Africa all this time. I can imagine I would probably have been fed-up and ready to immigrate as well. Like you said, “different strokes for different folks” and “perspective” has a lot to do with it.
Richard April 20th, 2010 at 6:44 am
I hadn’t come across that poem, but thank you. It is very much a truism. Yes, I think what you say about generational difference is probably also true, though I personally have never had difficulty in living in different places. The idea of country of residence as “consumer choice” is, I think, a new one, and probably post my generation. You have highlighted something anachronistic in my thinking, which is that one is tied to a country by some other sort of bond than purely personal (ie, historical or ethnic). The situation is now much more fluid, and it is up to each person to carve out a niche of “meaningfulness” (to coin a phrase). It was interesting to me to see how different a place South Africa had become in the decade since I left. People are certainly more materialistic than they were, and that serves as the only really common bond. It is a much more impersonal place in that sense, much less a sense of being in it together. I personally couldn’t find a common bond in materialism, which is why I never much liked America. Years ago the Rhodesians used to lament the passing of the spirit of being in it together. In that sense, perhaps, South Africa is more “modern”, than other countries in the world. I wonder what it is that people are clinging to when they try to convince you that you have made the wrong choice and they the right one? Perhaps they resent the idea of somebody succeeding where they failed. That would undermine any current success they might have in their new place of residence.
Nannie April 23rd, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Rian
I’m so jealous. We are 8 months now in Austr and miss South Africa EVERY day. It is only the crime that keeps us here. We were farmers ourselves.
I don’t mind to not living in a 1st world country – only want to be safe.
What can we do that our politcal leaders can understand that we WANT to contribute and help our country?
Hilary April 24th, 2010 at 1:28 am
Rian,
Welcome home!
I completely understand that feeling of relief and exhalation. When you get here and get your life underway, it feels like you’ve finally taken the stone out of your shoe that has been irritating you for the last 8/10 years. Or however long.
The point is that it’s home.
All the shops are South African and you can buy Iced Zoo biscuits anywhere!
There are many reasons why people choose to leave and then stay where they end up. And the debate about the South African condition will continue to rage until our current generation becomes too old to read the text on the screen.
But what remains is the undeniable pull of South Africa. You see it everywhere, even in the most pessimistic posts “I’ll never return, but I’ll always consider SA my home”. For those who do decide to return, once the decision is made, once they’ve touched down and sunk their feet into the white sand of SA’s beaches, the overwhelming sense is as you felt: what took me so long to do this?
I accepted that my time in the UK was a time to grow and experience a bigger world, a bigger life. But I always knew that I would come back. And I did. And I can confidently, honestly say that it was the best thing we’ve ever done. Emotionally, career-wise, spiritually, aesthetically and – by current forecasts – financially, it has been a brilliant move.
We have no right to try to convince people to return if they don’t want to. But with the many wonderful stories of positivity and strength experienced by many many homecomers, there are more than enough real examples of why it’s actually not such a bad idea.
I say it again: welcome home. We’re just around the corner in Tamboerskloof, with our own view looking out to forever. I’d love to have that sundowner with you. And yes, to feel even just a bit smug about the wonder that is just another sublime day in Africa.
Now that’s Ayoba!
Hilary
Rian April 27th, 2010 at 6:59 am
Thanks Hillary – yes it is still good to be home. It’s now been more than a month and I am not ready to change my mind about how great it is
Let’s definitely catch up – we’re on the Promenade and there are some great places here!
Graham May 5th, 2010 at 7:56 am
Hi There,
My family and I recently moved to Minneapolis after being held at gunpoint in our home in a boomed off area in Sandton. The attackers held a gun to my chest and one to my daughter’s neck. Now, before you jump up and say this was an over the top reaction, I have been held up twice before and never moved. The fact that they had no fear of being caught was apparent in the way they strolled down the driveway after triggering the alarm which my daughter had not managed to finish disarming. The police response to my assertion, I am an IT security professional, that we could catch them by tracking my wife’s cell phone was interesting:”Its too difficult”! Well, I had run my own business in SA for a number of years, being unemployable by corporate SA yet being employed as a consultant by corporate SA. So once crime again rudely shattered my SA is good bubble, I reached out to my network across the world and landed a job with an American software company through having been “South African” to my current boss. It took 12 days to get my work visa. I guess as a traitor to the cause of building SA I could, but do not wish to engage in bashing the country I left. As such, I can only wish you and your family all the best. Enjoy the sunshine even though Jozi still has the best weather!
I paid R100k per year for private schooling in SA and have been pleasantly surprised by the public school system in the district we chose to live in. The systems here enable you to see if your child was late for a class and exactly how well they are doing in their courses. I am in the process of writing my story too and once it is in consumable form will post a link. Apart from that I built up a number of IT companies, and one of interest particularly to you would be http://www.discussit.co.za where with my friend and partner Tony Olivier we started a podcasting portal which coincidentally just released a podcast about homecoming.
I am and hope to remain part of the South African diaspora. If I cannot be reasonably empowered to be safe in my home and have a modest income with which to support my family whilst maintaining an acceptable standard of living, don’t get me wrong, I was able to do most of those by working harder and using the skills I had learned along the way. I became disenchanted with the new elite and government sanctioned blue light convoys forcing me to change lanes where there was no space to go. If, as a government minister, you cannot manage your schedule to the point you have to be whisked through rush hour traffic, then, in my opinion, you are incapable of managing the affairs of the country that elected you.
So, we sold up everything – 3 weeks to sell our house, put my dogs down, packed up the furniture and left.
As can be seen this was a difficult decision for us as a family and time will tell whether it was a good one or not.
‘Nkosi sikilele Afrika – God bless and save Africa from itself. I remain an African displaced by circumstance and choice.
Sincerely,
Graham Adler
Philip May 5th, 2010 at 8:09 am
Hi Graham,
Thank you for sharing your story and all of the best to you and your family in the good ‘ol US of A. As mentioned in one of my previous posts I spent 10 years in Chicago and although it was a tremendous growing experience I returned home beginning this year and couldn’t be happier. It was the correct decision for me. I will add though that there is a reason why I only considered living in Cape Town even though I was born and raised in Pretoria. I will visit my family and friends in Gauten and Natal but have no desire to put up with the daily stress of living there.
In my opinion South Africa (never mind Africa) needs a lot of time for education and the new generation to take over “if” this country is to work. I for one am optimistic as I already see daily occurances of change and progress here in Cape Town – perhaps it is my youthful naivety. Time will tell.
God bless!
Karly May 18th, 2010 at 4:34 am
I stumbled on your post accidentally while in the position of being offered a job in SA and not knowing whether to take it or not – I have friends in SA – I’ve come back to UK after 4 months there – and I’m now faced with the real choice (now that the job contract has arrived) – I’ve struggled in the last few days – leaving friends (but moving to another group of friends) leaving the ‘easiness of living in UK’ but it’s beginning to look a bit rocky now – and then I read your post – and so I am going to sign the contract and go for the next adventure in my life. I realised that every time I go to SA, I get excited about what I could contribute – you gave me the help I needed – I can’t contribute anything particularly different from others with my skills – in the UK.
Thanks for helping me make the right decision.
Karly
Philip May 18th, 2010 at 4:55 am
Great to hear Karly – we wish you the best of luck during the good times and challenging times – I think you made a great decision. Also see my post and all the various opinions underneath it for further consideration if you want
http://www.homecomingrevolution.co.za/blog/?p=616
Rian May 18th, 2010 at 5:42 am
Hi Karly
Thanks for writing – that is really cool! Wishing you all the best for the move. This is a strange, amazing place, and it sounds like you have the right attitude to make it work here
Would love to hear your thoughts once you’ve settled!
-Rian
Peter K May 18th, 2010 at 7:05 am
To all of you coming back that have posted on this blog THANK YOU. it is so refreshing reading your stories filled with hope and excitement. I’ve been back for 18months, my wife and I are expecting our 1st child and there have been times when I doubted that starting my own business back in CT was the best decision for our future. Part of my doubt has been based on listening too much to those that are negative about SA, however, I have put that to bed now because I have come to realise that although there may be some truth in their stories they are mostly born out of justifying their decisions to leave.
Well done to all of you for your decision to come home – there are challenges here but to me the good far outweighs the bad and we’re both “happy as Larry” with our new life in Cape Town!
Phil (another one!) May 25th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Hi Peter
Yeah, people generally want to make sure that they made the right decision so they find all sorts of ways to justify it to themselves!
I’m as guilty of that as the next man but it’s just great to hear that this city makes you as happy as it makes me.
Rock on.
Phil (another one!) May 24th, 2010 at 6:36 am
Hi All
And now another spin on this whole string for you: what about those who were born and brought up in the UK but have been living here for over 10 years? That is me and my partner, Liz.
We came to SA in 2000, she to work as a senior lecturer and me to teach. I didn’t even have a job lined up – I was just young, impressionable and had a TEFL certificate. It took us about a year or two to get grounded, for me to get a job etc. but I honestly say with absolutely not a hint of doubt that this country has been the making me.
Just recently, I was back in the UK to fix up an old house of ours. We spent time at her parent’s place in the Peak District. I really enjoyed the UK for the first time in a long time and wasn’t kicking to get back to South Africa all the time, as had been the case all the other visits we’d made.
The problem came when I visited my friends. In the UK, if you’re born and bred there, you start life with a very, very myopic view of the world, one that not even education, travel and all the self development in the world can seem to dispel. Perhaps it’s just that this country has changed my values so much and has made me who I am that makes it difficult for me to understand countries like the UK anymore, but I honestly struggle to see the point of it. Is that extraordinarily arrogant? I don’t feel that my life has some kind of higher purpose but I can’t see where anybody in the UK (of my friends at any rate) is going, other than down a totally predictable path of boredom and conformity. It’s almost like when I go back there I feel a part of me starting to die and go grey because it’s all so flipping obvious and mapped out. Here in Africa, nothing is predictable. Everyday, if you allow yourself to be, you will be surprised by something, learn something, get seriously confused and hurt by something, laugh yourself stupid over something or cry and sit in black spaces in your mind about something. Life in the UK looks like a cotton wool kind of existence. Everything honest and sharp and ugly is kind of muddled to be more palatable, blunted to be less painful, hidden away to be more presentable. And my God, is it all about money. I’ve never seen so much STUFF to buy. Everywhere you go, all day, everyday. Stuff, stuff, stuff.
So when I come back to South Africa and I see pictures of my friends on Facebook and so on doing what they do, I feel something rather funny. It’s kind of like a jealousy for their wealth (moving to Africa has not made me a rich man) and for their simplistic contentment in something I want no part of. But at the same time, it’s like looking at a warped image of myself, years ago, a kind of twisted person who didn’t feel much, was a bit of a left over ‘angry teen’, knew nothing but knew that something was wrong with living a ‘Daily Mail’ existence. (I call it that because in the Daily Mail, everything is about England, everything is decided by people that should be in charge, and everything’s fine for me, mate.
I don’t hate the UK but I hate myself when I’m there. I look at the plush houses and cars that my friends drive, their secure jobs and ‘short hops to Australia’ for four days and so on and when I’m there, wonder why I don’t have all those things. And the minute I get back here, I wonder why I would ever want them.
Can anyone identify with this? Liz and I made a move that cost us a lot. We see much less of our families than we ever would have had, had we stayed we missed out on a lot of money (although in rand terms, we’ve done rather well) but we just can’t see ourselves living anywhere first world again, especially not the UK. I kind of wish I could just slot in there again: it would be so nice. But in fact, I know that I’m now probably more African than I’ve ever been anything else.
I live in Tamboerskloof too – anyone wanna hook up for a beer at Rafikis or a lunch at the Deli?
Phil
Rian May 24th, 2010 at 6:48 am
Hi Phil.
“I don’t hate the UK but I hate myself when I’m there.” You summed it up so perfectly with that sentence. I definitely identify with that. Like you, this move cost us a lot. And yes, I think very few people move to Africa for the money
Back in Feb 2009 I wrote another post about this (http://www.rianonline.com/2009/02/leaving-south-africa/). At that point we haven’t even made the decision to come back. But what I said there remains true:
Why do we plan to go back? Because there’s no place like Africa. Chaos and beauty exist so close to each other, often within the same place and the same moment, and it creates an energy that you just cannot describe. Yes, it’s not for the faint-hearted, and the decision to live there, especially if you’ve lived somewhere else in the world for a while, is made for reasons that transcend the traditional Western values of consumerism and security.
You live in Africa because you can’t get it out of your blood. You live there because you are placed there to make a difference. You live there because you are compelled by the red earth and the redder sunsets to make a small contribution to the ongoing effort to save it from itself, to preserve both the chaos and the beauty so that it can co-exist in harmony. And you do it not for yourself, but for your children, and for generations to come. You live there because you believe that Africa is not the dark continent it is made out to be, that it cannot be written off, that it is too precious and too fragile and too robust, that the world is making a big mistake if it thinks African countries cannot be successful, peaceful democracies.
So I’ll just say, yes, I identify with you…
On catching up – we have a bit of a homecoming group email going, I’ll add you to that list!
Philip May 24th, 2010 at 8:10 am
Phil and Rian,
You two gents put it perfectly, even brought a tear to my eye! ;-P I can say the exact same about the USA! Phil, I commend your worldly spirit, and in-turn it reminds me of a poem which I am sure you have at least heard recently. Excerpt:
********************************************
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
**************************************************
Looking forward to meeting up with like-minded people!
Annie May 24th, 2010 at 8:19 am
Phil, I can relate. I moved from California to South Africa nearly three years ago. I haven’t regretted it once.
Tracy May 25th, 2010 at 1:15 am
Hi there, that poem that was quoted by Phillip, I heard tonight whilst watching the movie ‘Invictis’.
I don’t even LIKE rugby, yes I am living in Canada, have been for two years adn I cried in the movie. I rejoiced we won. I longed to feel the warmth of my country. I also love Canada. I have also endured being held up at gunpoint, in S.A but I find myself singing ‘Shoshalosa’. I grew up in durb’s. My dad wants us to come back. My hubby never wants to come back. My youngest child is four and doesn’t even remember SA. along with her sister who is Six. I have three other children. I am torn DAILY and they don’t even know it. They ride their bikes outside our ‘safe’ aceareage but I am bored. I do agree with whoever said it, it can be a boring predictablitly. I left my MOTHER in the Salvation Army home> I am riddled with guilt. I have to let go as my hubby feels that this is where God wants us. I know that peace can be found wherever I am but I mourn that my grandchildren won’t KNOW, really FEEL and KNOW where they come from. A land so rich of I don’t even have words to describe. So vast, so wide, so deeep and I will still be going on about this to them one day and they will think I have gone crazy!! This sight made me think, I NEVER thought I’d want to go home. I arrived in Canada and fell in love with it. NOw suddenly, the African in me is coming alive again but it isn’t in my family. We have no money to come back anyway. It is true that we were more needed in SA. My hubby was a top engineer there and now he is barely recognised. I know God hasn’t forgotten ANY of us who have left and some of us who want to come back but can’t.
Thanks for all the thoughts on this blogg, it makes me sad but also glad.
Tracy
Philip May 25th, 2010 at 3:55 am
Hi Tracy,
I also heard the poem in the movie “Invictus” for the first time – it had a lasting impact on me and I can’t wait to buy the movie on DVD!
I think we have all beaten the horse to death several times over regarding our draw toward and love for this country but I completely sympathize with your situation and I wish I had words that would console you. Unfortunately life just isn’t that easy and I am not sure there is an easy fix for your state of emotion. All I can say is that at the end of the day, we all end up in, God-willing, a better place – we are just passing through this place. Pray and trust that God will help you find contment for yourself and your children. Perhaps you can surround yourself with other South Africans so you atleast give your children some cultural exposure? I have seen this done a lot and it has a definite impact on the way the children are raised even at a very young age. They seem to have an appreciation yet for their heritage even if they do not 100% adopt the South African culture. All children/people become curious at some stage regarding their heritage.
When I discuss South Africa and the considerations of moving back with other South Africans here and abroad, I struggle to recommend living in Gauteng or Natal. I was raised in Pretoria, and love the city, people, family and culture tremendously but purposely decided to move to Cape Town for a balanced and more relaxed life-style. Granted people can be a bit ‘too’ relaxed here but there is no perfect place on earth (otherwise it would be called heaven
. Fortunately it has become much more affordable to travel by air in South Africa. I visit my family in Natal and Gauteng every few months!
“Never say never” and I hope that you find peace in due time.
Bernard May 31st, 2010 at 7:39 am
Wow – a lot of comments! (didn’t read them this time).
Lol @ your wife being right, again
. “There is chaos here, but it doesn’t feel like chaos, it just feels like life.” – SO true. Yeah, of course watch your handbag and don’t leave a TV on your backseat, but that energy is amazing! Very unlucky that you came right when Eugene was murdered – I do think that was a very unsure time for a lot of people, and I think it rocked the boat a little.
Welcome back, nonetheless!
Phil (another one!) May 31st, 2010 at 10:43 am
This one is for Tracey, really. You might be interested to know that Liz and I have been looking at adoption here, seeing as Liz already has her own kids, one of whom lives here in Cape Town. I have to be honest and say that I’m not 100% sure that I would want my children, if they were not South Africa by birth, to experience only this country or only another. My parents were not wealthy but they took the time to take me out of my comfort zone when I was a kid and talk to me about my family, show me pictures, tell me the stories. That’s what made me proud of who I am, not where I grew up (although it’s a part of me too).
)
I’m not a parent, although I’m a step father in a sort-of-a-way so I know how torn you can feel (from Liz). Her son has now lived in so many places that he’s almost not really from anywhere and happy with that, because contradiction and inner conflict really make him the interesting, dynamic, boundless person he is.
Celebrate what you have done for your children by moving to Canada: so long as they feel you are from two countries and show them that there is positivity in confusion, they will also come to feel that way and will perhaps surprise you in their passion for a country they can’t even remember one day.
If things were certain and fixed, there would be no point in getting up every day, would there?
Phil
Phil the Second June 1st, 2010 at 8:39 am
Hey all!
Rafikis tonight, aright. I’m here already, reprazentin’, in a yellow shirt on the balcony.
See you cats later.
Phil
Stevie July 16th, 2010 at 3:11 am
Great post Rian! Having you and people like yourself back is great news!
South Africa needs all the help it can get to help build a new and more relevant identity, as forming a new “South African” identity remains one of the country’s greatest challenges, if not the greatest. Without it we will continue to struggle in finding a sustainable common ground basis from where we can all move forward.
I am convinced, that it is this lack of an (South African) identity that appeals to all, that leads to the disillusionment we encounter everyday and which in the end prevents us all from doing the right things. Fortunately, we have been given a second chance at building this character, this identity during the World Cup football. It has been truly inspiring to experience the unity created amongst South Africans during this period.
Your skills, knowledge and experience will surely come in handy in working through this difficult identity building process, particularly on a grassroots level. And it is for this reason, above any other, that I applaud you for returning.
Unfortunately, I do fear that many of the folks who returned to South Africa and have commented on this post, are the proud owners of foreign passports and will jet off as soon as things get a little too uncertain and sticky, as they tend to do from time to time. South Africa has always been a bit of an experiment: when it works, the rewards are great, but when it fails.
In any event, South Africans owe to themselves and to mankind as a whole to make this place work, as it in many ways embodies the ideals, make-up and aspirations of the entire world in one country. And I know we can, the World Cup proved it over and over again.
Proudly South African, I am.
Philip July 16th, 2010 at 4:46 am
Thank you Stevie for your input, terrific point regarding SA’s struggle in finding its identity. I will also add that defining what a countries identity is, one should be careful in expecting the entire nation to have the same or even similar ideas regarding what that “identity” should be, this is profoundly difficult if not unrealistic. Take any democratic country (i.e. where the people have a say in the country’s direction) or the US for example. They are many different philosophies one what the country is or should be. What I think is more important is for people to realize and accept South Africa’s as it is now; its demographics, balance of power, benefits, and challenges. Only then can one move forward and start contributing to the betterment of this country.
And Stevie, I know I only speak for myself, but I would gladly have sold my US passport for R20, or even a Castle if it did not mean that I would have to apply for a visa each time I want to visit my family in the US. What does it help to have citizenship for a country where you know you will never be content in? For me this was obvious from day one and never changed during the 10 years I lived in the US. I always knew it was a matter of “when” not “if” I would return. The same goes for people ‘in’ South Africa really. Doesn’t help you have citizenship and rights here but want to move to another country. I personally don’t have an issue with South Africans wanting to live abroad as I believe it will give them a different perspective on SA and the world. Like they say, you only really appreciate what you have until you don’t have it anymore.
God bless South Africa!